Chai Time Ruminations

In the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s Wanda Vision, Wanda Maximoff has dealt with loss repeatedly, to a point where she almost creates an alternate reality with her magical powers to cope with grief. As a kid she lost her parents, then as a teenager, her twin brother; and as an adult,  she lost  the love of her life-Vision. Unable to cope with this overwhelming sorrow, she finally resorts to creating a imagined reality of what could have been- a happy family life- with her husband and children, , where she is happy and content and there is no one who doesn’t anything that can harm her or her loved ones-in a way she used her magical powers to create a reality where she finally has control of things in her life and no one can harm her or the people she loves, or take them away from her..

So often, many of us wish we could change time or the situation after we have experienced loss, especially when we are grieving; “I wish it had never happened”; “I wish I could go back in time and undo it; “If only I could have done more”. Grief is a complex emotion that arises after we have lost something. When we talk about grief, it is often associated as a process that we go through after our loved one has passed away; but, grief can also occur with other forms of loss: relocation, the end of a relationship, the loss of opportunities, or even the end of a particular time period in our lives. The process of grieving can impact not only our physical health but also mental health.

To me, grief almost seems like a punishment- punishment for having loved, cared or wished for something so deeply. Think about it, If you were never attached, or cared enough, nor loved deeply enough,  the pain of loss wouldn’t hurt as much right now. When Wanda, confided in Vision about her struggles with coping, Vision comforted her by saying “What is grief, if not love persevering?”; it made me rethink the way I see grief.

Grief can feel like a harsh reminder that loving and forming connections can lead to pain. Some may even avoid forming bonds or getting attached out of fear of this inevitable aftermath. But, grieving also means that somewhere we had someone to love or someone who loved us. .Somewhere we got to experience something humane, something beautiful, or even had a small speck of hope and dreams of a moment of happiness.

 Surprisingly the pain of loss is a testament to how profoundly you could have been positively impacted by that something or someone. It proves that your life was enriched by something or someone that made you feel alive, and that you, too, made someone else feel seen and loved.

Grief is personal—there is no “right” way to deal with it, nor is there a timeline for healing. Everyone experiences it differently, and there’s no magical solution that can take away the pain. But during this painful process, I hope we are kind and compassionate to ourselves and allow ourselves to be reminded that we grieve, because we loved-or were loved.  In those moments, whether big or small, we experienced life in its fullest form.Surrounding ourselves with understanding people who offer kindness, compassion, and patience can make a profound difference in how we process grief.

In the end, grief is not just about loss. It seems to be more about love. The fact that we grieve means that we did experience something maybe meaningful. And though it may be difficult, it’s also a reminder that love, even when it is lost, continues to have a lasting impact on our lives.

Because, as Vision so wisely said,  “What is grief, if not love persevering”.